Thursday, June 12, 2014
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Amazing calculations
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Friday, February 5, 2010
TAJMAHAL IS MOVING FROM AGRA TO PUNE
Pune walo ke liye Gud News.
TAJMAHAL IS MOVING FROM AGRA TO PUNE....don’t believe? Huh..?
Ok... Scroll down to see the proof
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TAJMAHAL IS MOVING FROM AGRA TO PUNE....don’t believe? Huh..?
Ok... Scroll down to see the proof
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What a doubt ???
In some remote village of India, one masterji is teaching the Mahabharata katha to class 6 students. He is at the 'krishnajanma' part of it.
Masterji: "Kamsa heard the akashwani that his sister's 8th child is going to kill him. He was furious. He ordered to put vasudev n devaki behind the bars. First son is born, and kamsa kills him b poisoning... Second one is born n kamsa throws him off the mountain peak. Third one is born..."
Now Ramu, who is smartest of the lot, puts up his hand. Masterji, I have a doubt (sounding nervous n confused)
Masterji: "Ramu bete, whole India does not have doubt in Mahabharata then how come u have one?"
Ramu : Masterji, if Kamsa knew that Devaki's 8th child was going to Kill him, WHY THE HELL DID HE PUT VASUDEV AND DEVAKI IN THE SAME CELL ?
Masterji fainted.................
Masterji: "Kamsa heard the akashwani that his sister's 8th child is going to kill him. He was furious. He ordered to put vasudev n devaki behind the bars. First son is born, and kamsa kills him b poisoning... Second one is born n kamsa throws him off the mountain peak. Third one is born..."
Now Ramu, who is smartest of the lot, puts up his hand. Masterji, I have a doubt (sounding nervous n confused)
Masterji: "Ramu bete, whole India does not have doubt in Mahabharata then how come u have one?"
Ramu : Masterji, if Kamsa knew that Devaki's 8th child was going to Kill him, WHY THE HELL DID HE PUT VASUDEV AND DEVAKI IN THE SAME CELL ?
Masterji fainted.................
What's on the other side ???
I am sure you have seen this photo before...
But have you ever wondered…
What's on the other side!
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But have you ever wondered…
What's on the other side!
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Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Great Men Thoughts & Facts
David Bissonette
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Socrates
By all means marry... If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Sigmund Freud
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Dumas
The great question... which I have not been able to answer.... is, "What does a woman want?
James Holt McGavran
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming...
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is... to forget it once.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years... Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Anonymous....
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
A foolish man tells a woman to STOP talking,
but a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Three FASTEST means of Communication :
Tele-Phone
Tele-Vision
Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANYONE...
If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life.
If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.
Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE ?
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.
Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women.
Because as per Indian Penal Code, you can NOT BE PUNISHED TWICE for the same mistake.
There are 2 women in a man’s life...
One brings him to the world crying & other ensures he does so the rest of the life.
A short luv story: A boy proposed to a girl. She said: ’iam sorry’…and the boy lived happily ever after.
Guy1: Why do u fear when u see any truck?
Guy2: My wife eloped with one truck driver. Iam fearing for that he definitely comes to return her.
Every man should marry...After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
The WISE never marry...
when they marry they become otherWISE.
u can't understand women in 2 situations...
1. before marriage,
2. after marriage.
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Socrates
By all means marry... If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Sigmund Freud
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Dumas
The great question... which I have not been able to answer.... is, "What does a woman want?
James Holt McGavran
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming...
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is... to forget it once.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years... Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Anonymous....
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
A foolish man tells a woman to STOP talking,
but a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.
One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY
3 Ways to Die :
Take a Cigar daily - You will die 5 years early,
Drink Alcohol daily - You will die 10 years early,
Love Someone Truly - You will die daily.
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Three FASTEST means of Communication :
Tele-Phone
Tele-Vision
Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANYONE...
If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life.
If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.
Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE ?
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.
Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women.
Because as per Indian Penal Code, you can NOT BE PUNISHED TWICE for the same mistake.
There are 2 women in a man’s life...
One brings him to the world crying & other ensures he does so the rest of the life.
A short luv story: A boy proposed to a girl. She said: ’iam sorry’…and the boy lived happily ever after.
Guy1: Why do u fear when u see any truck?
Guy2: My wife eloped with one truck driver. Iam fearing for that he definitely comes to return her.
Every man should marry...After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
The WISE never marry...
when they marry they become otherWISE.
u can't understand women in 2 situations...
1. before marriage,
2. after marriage.
Friday, April 17, 2009
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